I Peed on a Glacier (and other adventures)

Well, in all fairness, I kinda had to. Yesterday, we went for an 8-hour glacier hike and there were no porta-potties on the ice. It was one of the more unusual places I’ve, um, relieved myself. But in all seriousness, of all the crazy hikes I’ve taken, this one was by far the most arduous. Hiking to the foot of the glacier was hard work in and of itself.



We trekked through rivers (wet feet), over the cliff sides, and under waterfalls (wet hair) for a good hour and a half before even getting close to the bottom of the huge block-o-ice. I had elected to be part of the “fast” group, which I came to regret because I actually felt I’d be better off jogging up the hillside to keep up with the other nut cases.

When we came upon the bottom of the glacier, we strapped on our crampons, which are spiked soles used specifically for icy terrain, and up we went. And when I say up…



I mean UP. The incline looked almost vertical and some of the steps were made for giants. I was struggling, and I pride myself on handling physical exertion pretty well. I knew if it was that hard for me, the smokers in the group had to be crying. We finally made it to a flat section (relatively speaking) and upwards we stomped for about 3 hours before taking our lunch break on the ice. I have to say, it was pretty cool to be sitting on a glacier in a short sleeve shirt overlooking a tropical rainforest. There are only 3 places like it in the world, 2 being in NZ and one located in South America. It was a pretty wild view.



After lunch, we headed up for a while longer and found some fun caves to explore. The ice is SO BLUE, and apparently it’s even bluer in the winter when the ice hardens up. After the caves, we negotiated some pretty tight crevasses. This top picture is actually of one of the wider ones.




Our guide quite enjoyed stopping at the end of the ravines (and leaving us in a cramped train behind him) so that we could relish the feel of icy water dripping down the sides of the ice walls and into our clothes! Good times! AFter conspiring to kill our guide (but ultimately deciding against it), we started heading down the glacier at about 3:30. Towards the end of our trek down, the guides found a tiny hole and some people thought it would be a good idea to crawl though it. Um, call me crazy, but I can’t imagine anything I’d like less than scrambling though a hole the size of the inside of a tire and emerging soaking wet and covered in cuts from the sharp ice inside. But one man’s torture chamber is another man’s treasure, I guess! (And turns out, that was tame compared to some people in another group that took turns jumping into man-sized holes filled with ice water). Joy.


Well, I passed on the bloodletting, cause I knew we had a few more hours of hiking ahead of us and that the voyage was not nearly over even thought we were approaching the lower portion of the glacier. It took about 3+ hours to get back to the bus, and in that time I inhaled a muffin the size of my head faster than you can count to three. 8 hours of trudging up icefalls is enough to give a girl one hell of an appetite.

After the glacier excursion, I was almost too tired to lift a foot, but had elected to go skydiving the next morning so I knew I had to be in bed early. The pickup for the skydive was at 6 am, which meant only one thing. Pain. I barely slept all night due to drunkards in the hallway and a chronic snorer in my room (and of course, excitement about the jump), so I was pretty tired when I woke up an hour and a half before dawn. So what else is new. Well, I have to say, jumping out of a plane is as good a wakeup call as anyone is likely to get. It was one of the most exhilarating things I’ve ever done. We flew up over the glaciers and the Tasman sea, and the sun rising over the mountain tops was breathtaking. I was all strapped in and ready to go. The plane door swung open, I flipped my feet over the edge and gulped. Then we pushed off the edge and began the 12,000 foot descent to earth. My stomach dropped and I concentrated on breathing through my nose and keeping my eyes wide open so I wouldn’t miss a thing.



Freefalling is…is...I’m actually at a loss for words. It’s simply mind-blowing. When the parachute opened, I was allowed to take out my camera and take my own pictures. Unfortunately, the sun was really bright so it’s hard to get an idea of the view, but here’s what I was seeing nonetheless.






After the skydive was over, I slept for 3 hours on the bus ride to Wanaka where we are now. I missed lunch and half the view on the way over, but did wake up in time to see the following vistas out the bus window. I was awestruck by the beauty of the landscape. The glacier lakes in Kanaka are madly blue. And I’m officially running out of adjectives for beautiful.



Now, I shall undertake to fill you in on the few days and nights preceding the ice climbing and plane jumping madness.

After Leaving Nelson, we stopped off at Nelson Lake up in the mountains. It was an absolutely glorious day and after a long walk thorough the woods, we had a stunning vantage point of the huge and crystal clear fresh water lake.




And the night before that, we stopped at a lakehouse for the night for the big Kiwi Experience theme party. Now, I was kind of into it. I mean, they took us to the dollar store and instructed us that the theme of the night would be “bin bags” which basically means just what it says. We all had to make dresses and costumes out of trash bags and wear them to the party. It was really quite a laugh. People got very creative. My favorite was a tux made entirely of trash bags…I mean, it was really, really good. Project Runway material. And another favorite was:



It was a retarded evening and by 12:30 I was sufficiently sweaty and gross from wearing a trash bag so I called it a night (pretty much right after these photos were taken).




Lastly, the day before that, I elected to go horseback riding in Westport. I was told Westport is a great spot for horseback riding, but it was not nearly as cool as River Valley (I'm still kicking myself about doing the white water rapids there instead of the horse trekking). Well, it was a pleasant spot if anything, and it was fun when we let the horses gallop and canter on the beach, but what was NOT fun was my horse. On our way though the trees and native bush, the horse would without fail, at 20 second intervals, yank his head down to munch on grass, thereby giving my neck and hands a good thrashing. At one point, the only spot we could really take pictures, I couldn't get my horse to stand still long enough to ge ta decent shot. So I got this one instead. Me. Sad. Stuck in a big bush. I mean, what is it with those horses? Are they lacing the grass there with equestrian crack? (This couldn't be a more unflattering pic of me, but I'm beyond caring).



Ok, I think I’m caught all caught up! A lot happens here in a few days, lemme tell you. So, tonight, I was gonna see a movie but opted to update this blog instead so I'll be in bed before 10:00 tonight. I can't WAIT for a good night's sleep. I feel like the walking dead. If I DO get some rest, I plan to do the world's highest bungee jump tomorrow (Nevis bungee). I've heard it's about 100 times scarier than skydiving, so naturally, I'm psyched! But I may just do the sane thing and give myself a day off tomorrow. The bungee jump can wait till I feel like a human being.